I’ve worked with my friend (met at work) for about 3 years now, and my husband has worked with them for 5. Last Tuesday he’d (the friend) no call/no showed to work for the 3rd day in a row. He’d gone to the desert last we knew, but he’d gotten the Friday approved. So we thought.. When Wednesday rolled around, my husband’s boss called us and said we needed to check in with said friend. That things were bad and they needed help, real help, rehab help.
A small army banded together and we all jumped straight into action. We made it difficult for him to get to the dangerous places, his parents liquidated his assets so that he had no money to get loaded, and we had him staying with us for the 3 days leading up to his consultation. The day he was supposed to come stay at our house, he had gotten loaded. He was hammered and yacked out of his mind. He thought it would be his last night to “party it up” since we were “so chill and cool about everything.” His view changed VERY quickly when I snatched his bag out of his hand, dumped the alcohol and asked him, “what did you REALLY think would happen when you bought that to bring here?!” We were told this friend always lashes out at others, but we never saw that side of him until this. It’s true..we really are the only two who get the respectful/minimally empathetic version of himself.
What ensued while we tried to make it until Friday was all of us being berated and screamed at. Typical addict behavior, right? We were all in touch with his parents/sister. We all made sure to keep him safe and in our sights so that we knew he wasn’t hurt, arrested, or dead. I was under the impression we were ALL fighting the war to help him have the best shot at survival, but boy was I wrong. Friday, his deadline to get into a program or lose his job, rolled around and he’d pinky promised (I know I know I’m lame) me that he would go Friday morning. That he would try VERY hard to be respectful of our other friend/coworker that was only trying to make sure he knew and understood what was happening. It lasted all of 7 minutes into the drive to the facility before he was threatening to jump out of her car on the freeway going 75+mph. When he got there, the facility told him it was voluntary, and while he stayed for the consultation, he didn’t stick around for the program. He was off in a strangers car before our friend could muster the words, “Wait! Don’t run!! Where are you going? Please don’t do this to all of us!”
He surprisingly went back later that day. 4:36pm to be exact, and he stayed through the weekend. Longer than a few of us thought, but he berated the staff who compromised an outpatient regiment with him. He was supposed to start today, and didn’t even finish the first class (if he even went). His parents listened to 10 minutes of the addict’s temper tantrum before caving in and giving him whatever he was demanding at the time because they believed he would actually do what he was supposed to if we just “put his life back the way it was and stopped ruining it”. What we ruined was his connect housing a girl in his place who shoots up meth/coke/whatever else she may feel like. It’s an all bad situation that has already gotten him 1 felony to add to his 8 others. If anything, we dodged a HEAVY bullet because we’d been planning to move in with him. The lady he’s letting stay (and TRUTHFULLY ruin his life) had taken him to the desert before he got arrested where he got so trashed he couldn’t remember where he left his phone or wallet. She conveniently told us she’d found them within 20 minutes of the services being shut down. She had the audacity to demand her $2000 she supposedly paid him to rent a room. We might live in one of the most expensive cities in the nation, but we don’t live somewhere that costs $2000/mo for a room only. You can still get a decent 2 bedroom apartment for that.
She’s going to get her own post, but for now, please send me your good vibes. He’s not doing what he needs to do, and as someone with 9 years clean, it’s heartbreaking. He says he’s completely alone, and not once was he able to see that he had everyone in his corner, doing whatever they could, risking their lives (I’m immunocompromised and we’ve seen the news about jail infection rates not being tracked well) and funding his necessities (clothes, re-keyed his house, cleaned his house of all the wreckage, re-keyed his car, etc) to give him an easy path to getting himself back on-track. He swears we are just ruining his life though, so it makes me think he’s been coerced by a gang into letting this chick around. He must have something worked out where he gets loaded for free or something. He’s already gambled away his mortgage, twice. His parents just caved, held zero boundaries, then had the nerve to imply we weren’t doing enough for them (the family) to keep him straight. They refused to drive here to help him. 10 minutes. They signed his death certificate.
Sadly, I believe I’ll end up telling you guys about who he killed and/or how he died. It breaks my heart because he really is someone who would be able to change the world. I really hope I don’t have to bury my friend, but when their logic is “the coke sobers me up when I’m sloshed so I can drive and not hurt anyone”, well… the odds aren’t in my favor. I think I’ll mourn the loss now, so when it hits, it doesn’t destroy me. The person I knew isn’t here anyways, it’s like the addiction took over and my friend was replaced with the Devil. It’s NOT one I’m willing to advocate for..