What Ebbs Must Flow..

There are 24 hours in a day, 60 minutes in an hour, 60 seconds in a minute. Each day millions of Americans are watching that clock, holding onto their sobriety with a grip that whitens knuckles. During COVID-19, it’s even harder to maintain your sobriety because you don’t have the safety net (if you choose to go) of AA/NA (any A) meetings to attend and save you from picking up. You’re not seeing those you’re accountable to (or have a sense of feeling so). How does staying clean adapt to COVID?

You’ll recall a recent post I made about a dear friend of mine. Well it’s been an action packed couple days. On Thursday, I reached out to his sister because those of us who are local hadn’t heard from him. His sister became worried at that point, because the last she’d spoken with him, he lashed out at her (an one of us local friends) about how they were ruining his life by trying to tell him he needs help, and that we were never going to see or hear from him again so that we can just leave him alone because he had his life under control. He’d been silent since posting a photo of him by the pool with a beer in his hand.

My heart sank when I found the photo from the 4th. I’d already been avidly watching out in the news for stories of anyone killed. I thought he had his car, driving is one of his favorite past-times while inebriated. All of us tried reaching out to him at some point that morning. Voicemail. Straight to it, every single time. I also checked every jail and hospital from Newport to Long Beach, and Long Beach through San Bernardino/Riverside County down to Encanto/MexiCali. When that turned up nothing, I took the only logical next step.

I called the police to do a welfare check. The officer I spoke with was alarmed like I was, and promised to send a unit. About half an hour later my phone was ringing. My heart sank as that was too fast in my mind. The officer wasn’t calling to tell me he’d already been up there, he was calling to tell me that he’d just been there yesterday, and my friend was fine. (If you call a broken ankle and road rash all over fine) The officer said their hands were tied if my friend said all the right things to them, and since he’d spoken to my friend more recently than I had, he wasn’t going back out there. It didn’t matter that he was in the midst of a psychotic episode, but something I tried FINALLY worked to reach my friend.

A simple message after commenting “bummer” on the post of, “Alive?” convinced him to respond. He said, “Yes and *leg emoji* [kicking]”, it wasn’t until I’d responded how I was feeling that he really sat up attentive. I told the truth. I said I was anxious, upset, and disappointed. He gave me another empty apology and asked what he could do. That he was already doing everything everyone demanded. I told him to cut the shit and really consider what his family and our group had gone through to help him. How many times he “spat in our face” by lying, running, and just flat out giving up. I reminded him it was his addiction, but I also reminded him that it was up to him what he really wanted in life. If it was to get loaded, just say so and we’ll all walk away and he was free to get as loaded as he wished.

By Friday afternoon he’d allegedly signed back up for rehab. He said they told him he couldn’t go until Monday, which anyone who’s been through rehab will know, if they’re going to accept you/they have the bed, time is everything and they would like you there ASAP. There was a reason he only told his sister about it. I alerted him to the fact I knew and that he needed to cut the shit. I hope he really is signed up come Monday, but unfortunately, I’m not holding my breath.


    1. I’m just glad his sister jumped on board. It was tough with us 3 drawing a hard line and his family erasing it like we were on a sand bar at high tide. Now that friend basically gave away his car that ironically wasn’t even in friends name and gambled away his mortgage… Again… His family felt the “I told you so” in the air and came back to us 3 with “so what do we do now?” unfortunately his dad is loving him to death (ironically the authority in his marriage, but bends to my friend’s every whim) and “doesn’t want to make it too hard on him” 😔

      Long story longer (probably could’ve made another post lol), the friend reached back out to me on Facebook where I sent him a message from my heart. I told him how I was willing to get on my knees and beg him to check himself in and that if he valued his life and wellbeing at all he would surrender/accept that he didn’t have things under control, admit that his life has become overwhelmed by active addiction, and ask for professional help to get his head right while his only 3 people locally still had an ember of desire to help him figure this out.

      He said they’ll take him Monday, but I’m hoping it’s inpatient this time. I told him outpatient is the step after so he can make new habits and only focus on getting right instead of distracted by cravings/day to day responsibilities. I reminded him that when he did it his way he was worse off within 2 days. I mean the guy legitimately let a drug dealer borrow his car to “go to the grocery store” for a dime piece. The car never made it back… Shocker.

      Liked by 1 person

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