Judgement

When you request honesty, I deliver. Knowing what I’ll be met with is judgement. You can tell me 100 times in a row that you’re working on changing, but the year’s responses have taught me what to expect. I may act aloof, but I’m not naive. I’ve learned to hide the true expectation of disappointment when it comes to how I’ll be treated. I’m typically hopeful I’m wrong, but can’t set myself up. I know you love me. It’s undoubtable. I’m not perfect, I’m far from it. Your truth is still truth no matter how you want to frame it. The endless record in my head of worst case scenario, the conditional love I’ve been taught to be true by everyone except for you. The truth still repeats in my head. Professional profilers all can agree that you’re unable to hide true reaction, no matter how well you can lie. I can still see the blame in your eyes. The accountability could end us if I were to be tit for tat. Life is too short for me to give all my energy to that. It’s not my choice how you love me. It’s my choice to never want to stray. Life is a fire hydrant aimed at my face, I’m not good at it. Yet you stay in place. Observing the orbit all around me. I fall yet again. It’s just another day.